For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
On Friday, January 15, 2015 my life was radically changed when a doctor in the emergency department told me that they had some abnormal findings in my abdominal CT and, based on what they could see, it looked I had colon cancer that had metastasized to the liver. The next few months were filled with hospital stays, extensive testing, and, after a liver biopsy, confirmed that I had metastatic neuroendocrine carcinoma of the liver, a very rare and incurable form of cancer.
I have spent the last year trying to figure out how to live my life within this “new normal.” There are days when I cannot leave the couch due to the pain, and other days where I run around the house like a madwoman cleaning everything in sight. However, what I think has been the most difficult transition for me is dealing with my own preconceived notions of what cancer should look like and attempting to reconcile those notions with the reality of my condition. I am not going to be facing extensive surgeries, damaging chemo treatments all in the hope of being declared cancer free; instead, I face a future of bimonthly injections, nuclear scans, dietary modifications, and the ups and downs that come with living with a chronic, incurable condition.
Consider yourself warned, what may pop on this blog can range from photos of my latest trip, a home redecorating adventure, a lament about how frustrating life has become, a quote that struck my heart, or my latest medical adventure…you’ll never know!
So after a period of mourning over my pitiful state of affairs, I have decided that this cancer is not going to drag me down. As much as I am able, I plan on seeing this beautiful nation of ours, blogging my little heart out on issues that are dear to me (I now have three blogs, each dedicated to a portion of my multiple personalities), enjoying my husband now that the kids are grown, and slowly turning our home into my dream home. What will follow will seem relatively ADD in nature (consider yourself warned, what may pop on this blog can range from photos of my latest trip, a home redecorating adventure, a lament about how frustrating life has become, a quote that struck my heart, or my latest medical adventure…you’ll never know!).
I would love to have you join me in this little adventure called life, so please, feel free to comment, share personal stories, or, and I know you’ll need this, vent any frustrations that may be plaguing you. That’s what makes this online community so much fun for those of us who spend the vast majority of our lives cooped up at home.
Love and prayers,